Divine Feminine Checkpoint: When the Universe Pulls You Back Just to Test Your Growth

Sometimes the universe plays cruel tricks on us, just to remind us that growth isn’t a straight path, and healing isn’t neat or tidy. Or at least ‘cruel’ is how it feels in the moment.

This past week, this lesson arrived wrapped up in a familiar face. Someone I had expressed my feelings to over a year ago and he asked to be kept in the friend zone, his reason being I was too valuable to him to risk ruining our friendship. I did as he asked and consciously placed him there, healed my heart and moved forward.

I wasn’t thinking of him — at least, not in that way — when suddenly he came back into my orbit. A door I had shut was cracked open just enough to let the memories and feelings sneak back in. The energy was palpable, like a simmering flame that quickly turned to a wildfire inside me.

What triggered it? An emotionally charged song he sent me. Dandelions. The first one in over a year since we decided we are ‘just friends’. A song that has lyrics that couldn’t be misinterpreted, could they? Raw, vulnerable, aching. He prefaced it by saying his daughter was singing it to him, and while that may be true, I don’t believe he does anything without precision and there is no way he would have sent that song to any of his other ‘buddies’. Would he?

Needless to say, it pulled me back into that space of wondering, questioning, hoping. It was a reminder that maybe, just maybe, the story between us wasn’t finished.

But here’s the hard truth: if he wanted to be there fully, he would be. The door opened, but closed again just as quickly. The back-and-forth, the push and pull? It’s exhausting. It’s consuming and it’s heartbreaking.

Was I imagining it? Was it all just in my head? Was I creating something out of nothing?

I tried to talk myself down, but truth be told, I was devastated. And I was disappointed in myself for hoping. Again. Disappointed that the fantasy briefly replaced my sovereignty. That the dream swept me up, even when the reality stood silent.

Because he didn’t reach out. He didn’t ask. He didn’t follow up. And part of me waited.

But that’s the pattern. He gets vulnerable, then pulls back and goes almost radio silent for a couple of days. I understand this so I give him space to do it. This week though I began to wonder; what if I expect that pattern so I give him space, but he sees the space I give him as ME backing away, so HE gives ME space? If that’s true, what a self-fulfilling mis-fire!

Or, my old trauma triggers are rising and I’m justifying in an attempt to fix something I didn’t ask for, expect, or break.

This is where my Divine Feminine checkpoint really hit me. I felt the familiar stirrings in my sacral chakra, the center of passion, creativity, and emotional flow. It was like my body remembered the old dance before my mind could catch up.

Chakra work has been a part of my healing journey for a few weeks now, especially focusing on the sacral chakra to reclaim my divine feminine, my sensual power and emotional freedom.

The work I have been doing? Insane but liberating.

After doing a Divine Feminine / Divine Masculine activation session with a well-known teacher, I found myself walking through the following day in a strange, constant state of arousal — legs shaky, heart racing, giggling at my desk because of the wonderful ridiculousness of the experience.

But this experience with the song and the person who sent it, tested that work in real-time. It showed me how deeply wounds can run, how even with healing, triggers can still send shockwaves through your energy.

I felt vulnerable and strong all at once. Powerful in my ability to feel deeply, but also raw in the ache of unmet longing. That messy, uncomfortable mix of emotions is the signature of the Divine Feminine evolving.

This checkpoint was a wake-up call: I must honor my feelings without letting them hold me hostage. I must reclaim my sovereignty by choosing myself, whether he chooses to step back through that door or not.

As I often advise my clients to do, I flipped the script and began searching for what this moment is trying to teach me or highlight.

Maybe this wasn’t about him at all.

Maybe it was about my own fire and whether I’d let it burn for me, not just for someone else. Maybe it was about trusting my feminine power even when it isn’t met. Maybe it was about letting my sacral energy flow without handing it over.

The feminine doesn’t need permission to feel. But damn, she craves to be met.

And when she isn’t... it stings. Because that sacred ache? That sacred desire? It’s holy. It’s a spell half-cast. It deserves more than silence.

So, I asked myself the hard question: Was this a test?

To see if I’d abandon myself again for the idea of being chosen?

To see if I still seek outside validation to believe what I feel?

To see if I’d chase, when I said I wouldn’t?

Maybe I’m being taught to stop assuming, analyzing, dissecting, interpreting. Maybe I’m being taught to take words and actions at face value.

Or maybe it was the universe simply saying, "Look how alive you are now."

Because I was alive. Turned on. Lit up. Magnetic.

And it was delicious.

And sensual.

And sexy.

Erotic.

And powerful.

I didn’t lose anything this week. I just got reminded how fucking powerful I am.

I allowed myself to feel while at the same time knowing where it would likely end up — in a broken heart. That’s not weak, that’s brave AF.

I took that pain and alchemized it into growth, knowledge, and power.

If he truly wants to be part of this story again, he will be. That door isn’t locked but next time he will walk fully through that door — direct — not just stand in it with one foot in and one foot out.

Until then, I will keep holding space for my own healing, my own growth because my Divine Feminine is not a hostage to anyone else’s choices. She’s not living in limbo-land anymore.

She’s a fierce, sacred force demanding I love myself enough to feel my feelings while also keeping my boundaries in place. She’s not half-chosen, especially by herself. She doesn’t half-choose either. When she loves, she loves fully, especially herself.

So yes, the door cracked open, and yes, it slammed shut again. But this time, I’m not left holding it open, waiting. I’m moving forward. Wiser, stronger, and deeply connected to my own power.

I’ll cry if I need to.

I’ll rage if I must.

But I’ll also wake up tomorrow, shake the energy off, and smile.

Because I didn’t get the fairytale... but I got the fire.

And that fire is mine to keep.

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If you find yourself at your own Divine Feminine checkpoint, feeling the push and pull of someone who’s come back but maybe isn’t really here, remember this: your feelings are sacred, your boundaries are vital, and your growth is non-negotiable.

Embrace the messy, honor your emotions, and trust that the universe is always nudging you closer to your most authentic, beautiful, amazing, sovereign self.