Your Vagina’s Fine. You’re Just Bored.

I know we’re supposed to be spiritually evolved, high-vibing, chakras-aligned, goddess-channeling beings, but can we take a second to admit something?

A lot of this “ascension symptom” content is straight-up exhausting.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good spiritual download. I’ll talk chakras, shadow work, masculine/feminine energy all day long, but damn, lately it seems like every cosmic update comes with a warning label:

“You’ll probably feel nauseous, bloated, headachy, have throat issues, lower back pain, emotional rage spirals, spontaneous crying, and possibly temporary blindness in your third eye.”

If you spend any time in the spiritual or energy-healing spaces online, you’ve likely come across this pattern.

And I’m sitting here like… Excuse me? Are you describing an energetic upgrade or the flu?

Honestly, I’m starting to think the only thing being activated is our anxiety. When did spiritual growth become synonymous with chronic suffering? Why do we act like every energetic shift has to come with a side of trauma, and if it doesn’t, we must be doing it wrong?

Here’s the thing, they mean well. Maybe it’s their ancestral trauma speaking. Maybe Pluto is realigning our spinal fluid. But this constant narrative of “you’re broken but don’t worry, it’s just the stars” feels like the same old story in spiritual drag.

It still keeps us stuck in survival mode, waiting for the next wave of discomfort to crash.

And I’m just not available for that.

I’m available for movement. Laughter. Pleasure. A belly dance skirt with little gold coins that jingle while I remember what it feels like to take up space with my hips.

I’m available for freedom.

For full-bodied no’s and unapologetic ‘fuck yes’s!’

For healing that doesn’t revolve around obsessing over symptoms but instead comes from reclaiming your joy.

So no, I’m not worried about the dry throat or the solar plexus flare-up or the bloating. I’m not assigning every human sensation to a planetary shift.

And I’m definitely not worried about my vagina. At this rate, someone’s going to tell me it’s going to grow over from lack of use.

Listen, babe — your vagina’s fine. You’re just bored.

You’re uninspired. You’re over-giving. You’re trapped in a loop of waiting to feel better instead of choosing something different.

Let me say something that might piss off the ascension-pain pushers:

You are allowed to feel GOOD while you evolve.

You are allowed to laugh, to dance, to shake your hips with a coin hip scarf on and feel sexy while you’re healing.

You are allowed to feel peace in your body even as your soul expands.

You are allowed to skip the part where you spiral into symptoms and instead choose joy, movement, nourishment, and grounded clarity.

Does healing sometimes stir physical symptoms? Sure. But it’s not mandatory. And the idea that it is? That’s subtle spiritual programming. Conditioning that says the only way to “earn” our growth is through suffering.

It’s the same martyr mindset in a prettier dress.

I reject that.

I take the pieces that resonate — like reclaiming the dark feminine, like activating the solar plexus, like uniting the sacred masculine and feminine — and I leave the rest.

Because I’m not here to be a sponge for every symptom some influencer says I should have.

I’m here to alchemize.

To trust my own body and intuition over some spiritual forecast that reads like a horror movie script.

You don’t need another healing crisis to justify shaking things up.

You don’t need to suffer to rise.

You don’t need to shrink into someone else’s idea about what awakening should feel like.

You get to choose what you let into your awareness.

You need to move. Laugh. Giggle. Moan. Say the damn thing. Break your own rules.

And if something doesn’t feel empowering, supportive, or even relevant?

Leave it. Burn it. Delete it.

Put on the music.

Light the candle.

Stop listening to doom-laced downloads and go remember what aliveness feels like in your bones.

Then belly dance in your kitchen like you’re conjuring thunder.

You don’t need a forecast.

You need a revolution.

Start with your hips.